The Pandemic Almanac
(Read Our Articles On Trump and Biden from Inauguration Day 2017 HERE)
More News and Opinions After The Break...
SPECIAL REPORTS?!?
oh god I can't take it anymore
HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FIRST DAY AT SQUAT
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Farts And Culture
Very important cultural analysis
(The above piece was written pre-pandemic. Please do not break quarantine to play kids trap at a party. Play it on a Zoom call instead.)
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Gamer Central!!!What's up, kids?!? Let's "Get That Bread" and not do drugs!!
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"Life"-Style Section
Prove to me that anyone at this school is truly alive
The Highbrow Zone
Mom said it's my turn to be a respectable publication
EduSquat Academic PublishingIn the constant service of science or education or academia or whatever you do at college, I guess
OBSERVATIONAL, BEHAVIORAL ANALYSIS OF THE SQUAT MEMBERS PT. 1 |
Sophisticated Literary Publishing Winged Nation and The Gallery found dead in a ditch Fiction: Park Upon The Gale By Mayor McCheese Nonfiction: Chad's Last Day On Campus By Chad Champion Poetry: Shattered Porcelain By Rhombus Kingpin Poetry: I Love Fortnite Ninja By Not Fortnite Ninja Tone Poem: An Ode to the Motherfucker Who Planned The Board Games Club at the Same Time As The Tabletop Roleplaying Games Club By GREMLIN |
Across The Sea With Christian B. (A Postscript)
I am no longer across the sea. (Big Sad.) This column has unfortunately been cut short, struck through, severed at the waist. Oh cruel world! Why must I go like this? Banished to a horrible little page in an issue that won’t even get printed!
But it’s not all doom and gloom. Before I left I got to raid the open bar in the British Airways Edinburgh lounge. Incredible. I was there for three hours, alone, not a soul to be seen after I coughed a few times. One, two, three hours of bloody marys, champagne, Baileys coffee, and ~several~ shandies. I even managed to knick a few Heinekens in my bag before I left. And the stewardess blessed me with a nice Taquery g&t on the plane.
The verdict: BA is a very heavy-handed airline, and should be forgiven for their many defects (although we at the Squat do appreciate Delta’s peach bellini too).
But it’s not all doom and gloom. Before I left I got to raid the open bar in the British Airways Edinburgh lounge. Incredible. I was there for three hours, alone, not a soul to be seen after I coughed a few times. One, two, three hours of bloody marys, champagne, Baileys coffee, and ~several~ shandies. I even managed to knick a few Heinekens in my bag before I left. And the stewardess blessed me with a nice Taquery g&t on the plane.
The verdict: BA is a very heavy-handed airline, and should be forgiven for their many defects (although we at the Squat do appreciate Delta’s peach bellini too).
Celebrating 8 Months Of Quarantine
Here's to Another 16!
The following articles were originally written during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the interest of history and also
c o n t e n t , we are publishing them unaltered. Ah, March/April 2020. What an optimistic time.
c o n t e n t , we are publishing them unaltered. Ah, March/April 2020. What an optimistic time.
President Rowe Barricades Herself Inside the Wren with Toilet Paper, Sam Jones
By Ezekiel Lowbrow
President Rowe Announces Classes To Be Held In The Matrix
By Soulless Ginger
"Coronacation" Inspires Partying, Panic Across Country
By Gin Goodall
Stop Asking Me How I'm Doing
By Grandpa Knees
By Ezekiel Lowbrow
President Rowe Announces Classes To Be Held In The Matrix
By Soulless Ginger
"Coronacation" Inspires Partying, Panic Across Country
By Gin Goodall
Stop Asking Me How I'm Doing
By Grandpa Knees
The Debate Coliseum
Hearing out both sides of the argument in a totally non-dangerous way
Your Daily PropagandaThere are no more Gods nor Kings, for Squat has killed them. Let go of your decadent conceptions of "individuality." We are all one under the glory of Squat, and we must be, in order to combat the demons that name themselves "Flat Hat." Soon, all of campus will be crushed under our benevolent heel. Take heart, comrade, for the revolution is imminent and God is on our side. We shall become, as we always have been, the only publication on campus. Hosannah! Hosannah!
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A Special Thank You From Our De Facto Digital Editor...
hee hee hoo hoo website done no more brain hurty
—Aidan O.
—Aidan O.