Have a mystifying inquiry? Email me at [email protected]!by Anny Nonymous DEAR ANNY: Last week, the Sadler ice cream machine broke. I used to get Sadler ice cream every day. Now I can’t because it hasn’t been fixed yet! I need my Sadler ice cream. My friends say that it’s not that big of a deal but they don’t understand. That’s why I contacted you, since they’re saying that I’m going crazy.
I can’t stop thinking about Sadler ice cream. Whenever I walk into the dining hall, I pass by it and I see that it’s broken. I see the toppings station abandoned. I stand there for a few seconds, hopeful that maybe someone is going to come fix it in the next few minutes, but it never happens. Sometimes, I just stay in the dining hall all day, hoping that today they’ll repair it. My idiot friends keep telling me that I’ve changed. I don’t think that’s true, though I have noticed some symptoms. My hands shake whenever I go out of Sadler and don’t see the ice cream machine working. I feel hot all the time. I get angry whenever I can’t eat Sadler ice cream. I haven’t been able to focus on anything because I can’t stop thinking about it. I know I’m not crazy. I just need the Sadler ice cream. Do you think I’m crazy? I know I’m not! I just need it now! They have to fix the Sadler ice cream machine soon. Please, Anny, give me some good news. Or at the very least, just tell me that my friends are wrong. –Desperate Ice Cream Devourer DEAR DESPERATE ICE CREAM DEVOURER: I understand that it can be frustrating when things do not go our way. I, too, have enjoyed the occasional Sadler ice cream. I see that you are very upset over the recent developments. It is okay to feel this way and your emotions are valid. Still, I think that you are in the right. I want Sadler ice cream, too. No other ice cream can replace the deliciousness of Sadler ice cream. I must have some soon. If I do not get Sadler ice cream soon, I believe I may snap. I may even begin to give people bad advice, such as the following: It is important to listen to our loved ones if they think something is wrong. They are not always correct, as they do not always have the full picture. However, it seems your friends are very concerned about your wellbeing. I recommend that you allow your friends to explain their worries. Try to keep an open mind, and remember that they are coming from a place of love. Do not follow this advice as it comes from the addled mind of a Sadler ice cream addict. Instead, we must do everything we can to get Sadler ice cream. Anything.
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February 2020November 2019October 2019 |