“William and Mary’s Hottest New Club Is:” Surviving Your First Year as a Live Music Enjoyer8/29/2022 The Cradle of Indilization By Yung Mahatma Gandhi aka OG Clay Akon aka Claimed as a Dependent Variable Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo! This is Yung Mahatma Gandhi aka OG Clay Akon aka Claimed as a Dependent Variable. As a freshman who had already made the pilgrimage to Car Seat Headrest's FurAffinity, I came to campus in search of a vibrant music scene full of wonderment, exciting new sounds, and a surprisingly fruity note which lingers on the tongue. I definitely found one of those things. Here are some top tips about campus' hottest 🥵 music venues.
Sadler Lodge 1: Sad. No hoes. You'll probably realize Eddie Munson is a very nice depiction of a metalhead. The Meridian: DIY stands for (D)are you(I)n (Y)phrases? If you want to own three equally shit guitar pedals and become a kethead, this isn't the one TBH. But if you aspire to inject multiple grams of Special K like you're a General Mills line worker and still own those bogshite guitar pedals, then this is the place for you. Dining Halls: The musical sensibilities of a deranged millennial going through The Caretaker experience. Enjoy your “Mr. Brightside” with a fuck off massive side heaping of Big Time Rush ft. Snoop D O double G. Amphitheater: Insert Echosmith 9/11 incest joke here. Fell off after T Pain couldn't singlehandedly fight off the Porsche Panamera. Maybe we'll get the christian “Fireflies” band instead of the “Everybody Talks” band this year! Ewell Hall: Campus' best spot to meet hot single GILFs in the wider Williamsburg area. Truss me brodie. Just act like you know shit about the music ensemble that's playing and you'll overclock that wet gushy turbo bagussy for the first time in a few Bush administrations. Thanks or whatever. Show up to these venues or don't. Me personally I don’t listen to any of the on campus music as it’s too mainstream for my indubitably esoteric sensibilities. Only the soothing beats of the ice cream shop drummer boys can understand and even come close to representing the complex array of emotions I feel on a daily basis. Fortnite battle pass. ~byeeeee~
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