Spoiler alert By The Ghost of M Night Shayamalan The recent move from Gmail to Outlook has been a rocky one, without a doubt. Having to learn a whole new interface for something as simple as email is a chore that William and Mary students would have been completely happy without. Not to mention students having to change their subscriptions from one email to the other. Nonetheless, paying for gmail proved too hefty a detraction from William and Mary’s budget. Between Katherine Rowe’s bonuses and the butler paid to wipe Glenn Youngkin’s ass during his visit on Charter Day, funds were just too tight this time around.
Students and organizations alike have had to adapt to the changes. Namely, all student organizations have had to change their listserv registries from addresses ending in email.wm.edu to just wm.edu. To save time, most organizations used a quick script to simply remove the phrase “email” from their registry. While this prevented organizations from having to swap around the emails individually, it did have an unfortunate consequence for one particular student. Edward MacPherson Ail, [email protected], who was once a very active member of several organizations on campus, suddenly felt cast astray when he stopped receiving emails from his various clubs. “It was like overnight! I used to get about seven or eight emails a day from my clubs, depending on the day, but now it's nothing!” exclaimed Edward when asked about this grievance. “I’m sure the folks at the club didn’t mean anything by it but it felt like I was cut out from this world entirely!” We reached out to a couple organizations that Edward belonged to just in case this was some kind of mistake. “Edward Ail?” Said a representative from the obscure news organization The Flat Hat, “Nobody of that name seems to come to mind. Though we go through a lot of interns, you know. Not everyone can handle the pressure. Maybe he was in the club for a couple meetings then dipped? But I really don’t remember anyone with a name like that.” When told about this answer from The Flat Hat, Edward became visibly distressed. “That can’t be, I was a very active writer!” said Edward, “I was even their political commentator, I wrote a whole piece on Reagan’s election!” It was at this point, dear reader, that we realized that Edward had been dead the whole time. To prevent confusions like this from occurring in the future, all issues of the Botetourt Squat will be blessed by an ordained minister and soaked in holy water. If holding an issue causes your discomfort, please consult a dermatologist or a priest.
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